As far as Hattie was concerned, the warning signs had started when they arrived at the airport.  Bea and Connie had vowed that if they both lived to be a hundred years old, they would never go on a trip with Hattie and Miss Fanny again.  The two women sat huddled in the airport terminal glaring at Hattie and her mother-in-law with looks of murderous intent.

     “I have never been so embarrassed in my life,” Bea whispered to Connie.  Her eyes shifted briefly to David to make sure that he was out of ear shot as he headed for a nearby coffee shop.  Her eyes went back to the subjects at hand.  “Look at them sitting over there looking as innocent as lambs.  It was bad enough when Hattie raised a fuss about taking off her shoes at the gate and then tried to take off her knee-highs too, but when Miss Fanny reached into her bra to get her “bosom money…”

     “And she had to take that old handkerchief stuffed with coins out of her bra...” Connie had to admit that the memory amused her.

     “I nearly died,” Bea continued, not amused at all by the incident.

     “I told David to walk fast so people wouldn’t think that they were with us.”  Connie was still angry about how Hattie had shouted her name across the terminal to have them wait up for her.  She sounded like some farmer calling his pigs.

     “We should have let the security guards haul both of them away when they tried to smuggle contraband aboard,” Bea huffed.  “I’m surprised that the Airport Authority hasn’t called Homeland Security.”

     “Don’t speak too soon,” Connie warned.  “We still haven’t boarded the plane.”

     Across the aisle from Bea and Connie sat a grumbling Hattie, who was not happy with her friends at all.

     “Those two hussies should have told us that we couldn’t pack food to take with us on a plane,” Hattie pouted as she returned their pointed glares.  “That was twenty dollars worth of ham and chicken sandwiches those people took from us.”

     “I wonder if we can get reimbursed.” Miss Fanny couldn’t believe the injustice of it all.  “Shoot, you can bring food on the bus and train!  I don’t know what’s wrong with these people.”

     She was still mad about having to reveal her secret stash.  If those security perverts hadn’t made her go through that body scan no one would have known about her money. She had been forced to remove it from her bra.  Now that people knew where she kept her mad money she was fair game for every crook and thug in the airport.

     Miss Fanny tightened her hold on her good purse and looked as mean as possible.  At least the pickpockets and purse snatchers would know that just because she was older she wasn’t easy prey.  She’d give them a fight for her money.

     “I like the train better anyway,” Hattie stated firmly.  “Not only can you bring your own food, but there’s room to walk around and stretch.  We should have taken a train to Las Vegas.”

     Miss Fanny huffed. “I’d rather be on solid ground than up there in God’s sky.”

     “Amen to that.”  Hattie couldn’t have said it better.

     This seemed like the first time that she and Miss Fanny had actually found something on which they agreed.  Neither had ever flown before and both were admittedly nervous about it, not that they were getting any sympathy from Bea and Connie.  But, each woman had her own reasons for wanting to go to Vegas and those reasons overshadowed their fears.

     “All we can do is pray and put ourselves in the Lord’s hand.”  Hattie bowed her head and joined hands with Miss Fanny as they each prayed silently.

     “At least they’re not jumping up and down and doing a holy dance,” Connie said to Bea as she watched the two women sitting across from them praying.

     “They’re not on the airplane yet,” Bea warned.  “When it takes off we’d better brace ourselves for anything.”

Bea’s words proved prophetic when the five of them boarded the airplane.  Miss Fanny started her performance before the plane took off.

     Bea, Connie and David sat together in the row across from Hattie and Miss Fanny.  Sitting in the aisle seat across from the older woman and her daughter-in-law, David was more sympathetic to the two novice flyers.  He helped Hattie and Miss Fanny put their carryon luggage in the overhead compartment and showed them where the oxygen and overhead lights were located.

     Miss Fanny’s seat was by the window, but she didn’t want to sit there so that she could see “how far they could fall from the sky”.  So it was David who negotiated a seat exchange with the man in the aisle seat who sat next to the ladies.  Hattie was content with her middle seat and had no complaints. She turned to the middle aged stranger who had been kind enough to exchange seats with her mother-in-law.

     “I want to thank you for your kindness Mr. ----” She paused, awaiting an introduction.

     “Smith, Larry Smith.”  The man acknowledged her with a nod.  It was obvious that he wasn’t interested in continuing the conversation as he turned to look out of the window.  It was a cue that Hattie appeared to miss.

     “Mr. Smith,” she continued, “This is my mother-in-law’s first time on an airplane.  Mine too.”

     The man turned, nodded again, and then turned back to the window.  Hattie ignored that cue as well.

     “Do you know Jesus, Mr. Smith?”

     The question seemed to catch the man off guard as he turned to study Hattie for a moment. “Not personally.  Is he a neighbor of yours?”

     Hattie ignored the sarcasm.  Here was a soul that might need salvation, so she zeroed in on a possible opportunity.

     “He’s my neighbor, my colleague and my friend,” she informed him earnestly.  “I woke up with him on my mind this morning and I go to bed with his name on my lips every night.”

     Overhearing the conversation, Miss Fanny added an “Amen.”

     Amused, Mr. Smith’s lip curled upward.  “Well I’m glad that you’re so intimate with the man.  I’m afraid that I’m not that close to him.  As a matter of fact, I’m not close at all. I don’t believe in Jesus or God.  You see I’m an atheist.”

     That was the second sign, one that Hattie could not ignore.  She was sitting next to a godless man.  Flabbergasted, she and Miss Fanny stared at the man as if he had two heads.  Miss Fanny elbowed Hattie and whispered loudly.

     “Did he say that he didn’t believe in Jesus or God?”

     Stunned into silence, Hattie could only nod her head. She had never met anybody in her life who didn’t believe in her Lord and Savior.  Was he serious?  She had to ask.

     “Are you kidding?”

     “No” was all that he could utter before they prepared for takeoff.  The flight attendant’s safety demonstration caught Hattie and Miss Fanny’s attention.  After that they both studied the seating card intently, counting the number of seats they would have to navigate to get them to the plane’s exit.

     “Lord, I sure hope we don’t go down over water,” Hattie lamented, “neither one of us can swim.”

     “And I don’t believe for a minute that no seat cushion is gonna float,” sniffed Miss Fanny.

     “A seat cushion is a seat cushion.  It ain’t no boat.  What kind of fools do they take us for?”

     Settling in for takeoff, Bea searched through her purse and found the package of gum that she had been looking for.  She withdrew two pieces and nudged Connie.

     “Ask David to pass these to Hattie and Miss Fanny and tell them to chew it when we take off so that their ears won’t pop.”

     Connie took the gum. “Good idea. That’s all we need is for those two to start running up and down the aisle talking about how they’re going deaf.”

     Giving the gum to David, she passed on Bea’s instructions.  Both women complied and chewed the gum, but when the plane started to climb upward pleas of “Lord Have Mercy” and “Do Jesus’” drifted across the aisle to Bea and Connie.

     Hattie and Miss Fanny clenched each other’s hands desperate for some sort of security.  As the sound of the airplane’s engines roared in their ears, they bowed their heads in prayer begging silently for deliverance if the plane went down.  Neither woman stopped praying or opened her eyes until the flight leveled off in the sky.

     Miss Fanny was the first one to open her eyes—at least one of them.  She did so slowly and looked around.  The airplane was quiet and it was still in the air.  Nobody was panicking so she figured that everything must be all right.  Opening the other eye, she elbowed Hattie.

     “What?”  Hattie’s eyes were still closed and her tone was harsh.  She was anxious to get back to prayer.  As long as she was God knows how high up in the sky it was needed.

     Miss Fanny chose to ignore her attitude.  “You can open your eyes.  Everything is okay.”

     Cautiously, Hattie opened one eye and then the other.  Everything appeared to be fine.  Nobody was in the aisle but the flight attendant and she looked calm.  Relaxing, Hattie released Miss Fanny’s hand and took a big breath.

     “Are you two ladies all right over there?”  David inquired.

     “We’re fine,” Hattie reassured him, impressed with his genuine concern.  He seemed to be such a nice man.  It made her wonder why Connie hadn’t introduced him sooner.

     “Thank you for asking,” Miss Fanny smiled at him graciously.  “Unlike the people sitting next to you who shall remain nameless, you’ve got a heart.”  She rolled her eyes at Hattie’s friends.

     The flight continued smoothly for a while as Hattie and Miss Fanny, still on edge, sat observing everything and everyone around them.  When the seat belt sign flashed clear for them to unbuckle, both ladies declined the request.

     “If I’m going down,” Miss Fanny noted, “I want to be found in one piece strapped to my seat.  They won’t be finding pieces of me scattered all over the place.”

     “That’s right.”  Hattie shook her head vigorously.  “When I see my Savior I want him to recognize me.”

     She turned to her dozing seat mate and continued their previous conversation.  “So you say that you don’t know Jesus.”

     Larry Smith started awake.  The look on his face when he turned to Hattie made it clear that her inquiry was unwelcomed.  Staring at her blankly, he said nothing, but if he wasn’t talking Hattie certainly was.  This was one godless soul who needed to hear the Word.

     She was well on her way to delivering one of her sermons when the man held up his hand to stop her flow of words.  He pulled no punches.

     “Listen Lady, I told you that I’m an atheist, so I don’t want to hear it. I paid good money for this seat and I mean to fly in peace.”  With that he whipped out an Ipod, jammed the earphones on, leaned back against the head rest and closed his eyes.  He had effectively closed Hattie out of his consciousness.

     “Well!”  She had never been so insulted in her life.

     Having witnessed the entire episode, Miss Fanny offered a word of comfort to her daughter-in-law.  “Don’t worry.”  She patted her hand.  “He’s godless.  He’ll be going to hell soon anyway.”

     The travelers were about two hours into their flight when the pilot announced over the intercom that they were flying over the Grand Canyon.  Excited, Bea, Connie and David strained to see one of the world’s natural wonders.  Not wanting Hattie and Miss Fanny to miss the spectacular sight, Connie leaned over David and urged the two women to look out the window.

     Miss Fanny wasn’t impressed.  “If you’ve seen one hole in the ground you’ve seen them all.”  She tightened her hold on her purse.

     Looking up from reading her Bible Hattie declined the offer.  “No thank you. I’m fine.”

     At that moment, as she tried to return to her reading, the airplane seemed to drop several feet.  That had been the third sign. Hattie sat straight up in her seat.

     “Lord, have mercy!”  She looked at Miss Fanny.  Both women were wide-eyed.

     “What was that?”  Miss Fanny reached up and buzzed for assistance.

     The young, blond flight attendant seemed reluctant when she answered the call.  “May I help you—again?”

     “What was that shaking?”  Miss Fanny asked with concern.

     “It’s nothing to worry about, just a little turbulence.”

     “Terrorist?”  Hattie’s head jerked up.  “Did you say terrorist?”  The fear in her voice drifted across several aisles, catching the attention of other passengers.  Several of them leaned into the aisle to see what was happening.

The aggravated flight attendant gave a frustrated sigh as she addressed the other passengers.  “That was just a little turbulence, folks.  Everything is fine.”  She turned back to Miss Fanny.

     “Ma’am since getting on this flight, you have insulted the captain…”

     “What do you mean insulted?  He don’t look like he’s old enough to fly a plane…”

     “You have called the attendants back here at least five times, asking about arrival times.”

     “I wanted to know what time this contraption is landing.  So sue me!”

     “You got stuck in the bathroom twice…”

     “Who on earth can use them tiny bathrooms?  It ain’t nothing but a flying outhouse…”

     “Your daughter…”

     “She’s my daughter-in-law.”

     “Has complained about us serving alcohol…”

     “The devil’s brew!”  It was Hattie’s turn to jump into the dispute.

     “And don’t forget how that old one over there,” the passenger in the seat in front of them pointed to Miss Fanny, “threatened to throw my poor little boy off the plane if he didn’t stop running up and down the aisle.”

     “Sho’ ‘nough,” Miss Fanny held her head up proudly. “Your kid is a brat!”

     A second attendant hurried up the aisle to assess the situation.  “Is there a problem here?” she asked her harried co-worker.  She looked concerned until she noticed the source of the brewing disturbance.

     “Oh, you two.”  She shifted her attention back to the attendant.  “What’s the problem this time?”

     Larry Smith spoke up.  “The problem is that I’m not flying on your airline again as long as I live!  I’m demanding my money back for this flight and I’ll tell you why!  First, I was asked by these two women to change my seat, and for my kindness what did I get?  Harassed!  I’ve been accused of being an alcoholic because I ordered a drink.  I can’t get any sleep.  I can’t listen to my music and I nearly had a heart attack when that one said that there were terrorists on the plane.”  He pointed to Hattie.

     The older attendant looked at the other one in alarm and whispered, “Terrorists?  What terrorists?”

     “I’ll explain it to you later.”  The young woman returned her attention to the two passengers.  “Listen ladies, we have been more than patient with you.  Any more disturbances and we’ll have to call airport security to meet you at the terminal.”

     Miss Fanny would not be intimidated, “Well you can just…” The airplane lurched violently, stopping her words.

     It was then that Hattie screamed, “We’re going down!”

     Her words put the airplane in turmoil as passengers panicked.  The stewardesses were scurrying around frantically trying to calm people down.  In her own state of alarm, Hattie audibly called on the Lord with a loud prayer mode.

     “Sweet Jesus, please don’t let this plane go down.  If you get us through this trial of fire I promise that I will follow a righteous path in that city of sin and see that Thy will be done.”

     That was the promise that Hattie Collier made to her Lord and Master, and she meant to keep her word.